


Kintsugi (Golden Repair)

by Gray_Skies_Rising



Series: Living in the Dawn and Dusk [11]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Blanket Permission, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Love, Counting, Dark Batfamily (DCU), Flashbacks, Forgiveness, Gen, Harleen Quinzel is Not Harley Quinn, Hopeful Ending, I think?, Jason Todd is Bad at Feelings, Mentioned Harleen Quinzel, Nobody’s Okay, Past Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychiatrist Harleen Quinzel, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Tim Drake is bad at feelings, Tim and Jason are Brothers, Tim really loves his brother and wants things to be okay between them, Writing feelings is hard, but we’re getting there, they’re getting there though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26419159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gray_Skies_Rising/pseuds/Gray_Skies_Rising
Summary: There are bloody knives, years of mourning, a ripped domino, a broken-in safehouse, and an empty rooftop between them.There used to be nothing.There are two seats separating them.There used to be none.Tim’s decided it’s a problem.
Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Series: Living in the Dawn and Dusk [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735045
Comments: 9
Kudos: 169





	Kintsugi (Golden Repair)

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not going to lie, I’m not very happy with how this turned out, there was a lot that I wanted to add but it threw off the flow of the story. However, I think this was something that really needed to be written out.
> 
> Warnings: self doubt, self hatred, mentions of past violence, Mentions of injuries, mentions of blood, illusion to suicide attempt (only if you squint really hard), brief PTSD flashbacks, smoking, mentions of past death (it’s Jason’s), And Tim being aggressively forgiving.
> 
> Please tell me if I missed any!!

There are two seats separating Jason from the others at the table. Or more accurately, separating Jason from Tim. He was the furthest from the exit with his legs hooked around his chair's legs. There is a reason for this, but that’s in the past. At least, for some people.

Two years ago Jason tried to kill Tim.

_ Two years. _

_ 730 days. _

_ 43,800 hours. _

_ 2,628,000 minutes. _

_ 157, 680,000 seconds. _

Neither of them knew who was behind the mask at the time; Jason thought Bruce had carelessly replaced him and Tim thought that the Red Hood was just another up and coming crime lord that had a grudge against the Bat’s.

Jason didn’t know that it was someone who had never even wanted the Robin mantle. He didn’t know that Tim only had it because he was the first one to come out of their grief and to start pulling the family back together. He didn’t know about the screaming matches that had happened in the Cave.

Jason didn’t know that it was his little brother, no matter how beaten, behind the mask.

Tim didn’t know about the magical pools and the green anger. He didn’t know about the memory loss or the manipulation. He didn’t know exactly what Jason did after  _ that night _ .

Tim didn’t know that it was his big brother, no matter how broken, behind the helmet.

There are bloody knives, years of mourning, a ripped domino, a broken-in safehouse, and an empty rooftop between them.

There used to be nothing.

There are two seats separating them.

There used to be none.

Tim’s decided it’s a problem.

Not that there’s anything he can do about it at the moment. Not with everyone  ~~ except Jason ~~ hovering over him.

( _No Bruce, he will not keel over and die from a sprained ankle. Now, if you insist on being in here can you at least try and keep your parental anxiety quiet?_ )

He finally corners Jason in the kitchen three weeks later.

_ 21 days. _

_ 504 hours. _

_ 30,240 minutes. _

_ 1,814,400 seconds. _

_ 1,814,401 seconds. _

_ 1,814,402 seconds. _

_ 1,814,403 seconds. _

_ “ _ You alright there Tim?”

Tim finally steps through the threshold from the hall into the kitchen. He watches Jason's hands in his peripheral, they tap out a steady rhythm on the counter he was leaning on. Did he know that each tap was insink with the second hand of the clock in the conjoined dining room? Did he count the seconds just to make sure that they went up instead of down?

_ 1,814,406. _

_ 1,814,407. _

“We need to talk.”

_ 1,814,410. _

The rhythm falters but the seconds don’t.

_ 1,814,411. _

“About?”

Jason is as relaxed as he ever is around Tim nowadays. Good. This would be harder if Jason knew what was coming.

Tim takes two more steps towards his brother, Jason forgets he's already as far back as he can go and kicks his heel against the edge of the cupboard. A sharp curse escapes him.

_ 1,814,415. _

Another step has Jason sitting up on the counter.

_ 1,814,416. _

“Tim?”

Three more and Tim was in Jason's space. The tapping had returned.

_ 1,814,421. _

The older man's breath hitched as Tim grasped his left hand and just held it. Tim had never noticed how small his hands were, or maybe he never noticed how much bigger Jason’s had gotten.

He didn’t want to think about it.

_ 1,184,423. _

Tim looked up into his brother’s eyes, they were the bluest he had seen in a long time, and squeezed the others hand.

_ 1,184,427. _

“I forgive you.”

_ 1,184,428. _

Jason was frozen for a second before he clenched his jaw and roughly pulled his hand out of Tim’s grip. He then pushed Tim away, not hard enough to make him stumble but enough to get him out of the way, and hopped off the counter.

_ 1,184,430. _

“No you don’t.”

_ 1,184,433. _

Tim frowned as he watched Jason pull out a pack of cigarettes as he headed towards the backyard. Tim had thought that Jason had quit.

_ 1,184,434. _

—||—

Jason’s been back for three years.

Or four, depending.

Jason wasn’t sure if he counted the extra year or not. He didn’t want to already be 19, but being 18 didn’t feel right either.

Huh, Jason became a crime lord at 17(ish). Not a lot of pepople could say that. Probably no one but him, actually.

Jason tapped the ash off the end of his cigarette.

_ 15. _

_ 14. _

_ 13- _

Stop it, he chided himself. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t in a warehouse halfway around the world. He wasn’t protecting the woman that had sold him out. There wasn’t a bo- a clock. There wasn’t a clock silently counting him down to his doom.

He was at the manor. He was in the backyard taking a smoke. He was outside. He was counting seconds because he picked the habit up from Tim. No other reason.

_ “There’s no way to tell time when we went to the Court.” Tim had explained, “So when I went exploring the mazes I had to find some way to know when it was time to go back home.” There was more to it, Jason knew, but Tim would never tell. _

Tim.

_ “I forgive you.” _

Oh god, Tim.

Jason couldn’t feel his hands. Well, he could feel them, it's just that the phantom pressure of Tim’s hands around his own wouldn’t go away.

His little brother was always quick to forgive, wasn’t he?

Jason took another breath of nicotine, but the giant snake that laid, coiled in the pit of his stomach didn’t go away. Another breath and it began to writhe.

Jason wasn’t worth Tim’s forgiveness.

“I thought you quit.”

He didn’t bother to turn to see who it was, he just ground out the finished cig and lit another one.

“I did.”

Tim was silent as he settled into a chair at the the patio table. He was waiting, Jason realized. Waiting for Jason to make the first move.

However, it seems like Tim’s patience was very short today.

“I meant what I said, Jason.”

That snake just got tighter.

“and so did I.”

Jason went through another cigarette before either of them spoke again.

“It’s fine Ja-“

“No it’s not.” Jason cut in. It wasn’t fine. Tim wasn’t fine. Tim hadn’t been fine for a long time. Long before broken promises, bloody knuckles, and dead brothers. A time of proclin masks, cold mazes, and 35 ½ second executions.

Tim paused and his mouth twitched into a small smile. Jason realized Tim played him, he didn’t quite know how to feel about that.

“You’re right, it's not okay, and if you ever try to kill me again you will find I won't go easy on you.”

Jason snorted.

“However, that doesn’t change the fact that I forgive you.”

“There’s nothing here worth forgiving, Baby Bird.”

If it was possible, Tim’s eyes got sadder.

“The last person that needs to forgive you is yourself, everyone else already has.”

“Where’d you get that nugget of wisdom from.”

“Miss Harleen is quite the therapist, but you wouldn’t know that would you?”

Jason scoffed at the playful smirk Tim was sending his way.

“I don’t really enjoy people picking me apart, Timmy. Besides, I already have a high enough of a body count without having to add hers just because-...”

Jason swallowed and looked down. Tim followed suit. The rest of the sentence hang in the air, ‘ _ because she was connected to him.’ _ Just because the monster was dead didn’t mean the nightmares went away.

_ 10. _

_ 9. _

_ 8-. _

“There’s always other options.” Tim weakly redirected from the past.

“With our family?” Jason asked incredulously, “I’m surprised that B even let you go.”

The easy air had mostly returned and with it came Tim’s signature shit-eating grin.

“You say that like you don’t know what I’m capable of.”

An image of Tim in his Robin costume  ~~_ broken bleeding _ ~~ pops into his head.

“I have an idea.”

Tim reached out and snagged the arm of his jacket with one hand. A full body flinch makes him drop his cigarette. Tim ignores it and just tugs him closer.

His fingers tap along perfectly with the numbers in his head. Jason begins to count.

_ 1. _

_ 2. _

_ 3. _

Jason wasn’t in a warehouse in another country. He wasn’t bleeding and broken. He wasn’t calling for a father that was just a few seconds too late. There wasn’t a bomb counting down to his death.

He was in the Manor’s backyard. He was alive and well. He was having a long over due talk with his little brother. Everything wasn’t okay, but maybe one day it would be.

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to thank everyone who’s left Kudos and commented and Bookmarked this series, you guys keep me going!


End file.
